were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
