wanna go halves on a baby?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
