I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
