Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
