Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
