Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
