All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
