So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
