and you said cock pushups were impossible
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
