dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
