Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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