there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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