people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
