I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
