dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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