guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
bring money and cleavage
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
