why didn't you poke me back
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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