I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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