the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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