Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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