the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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