dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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