I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
