I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
