Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
