This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
