A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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