I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
