i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
