trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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