dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
