I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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