Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
