In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
