I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
