did you get engaged???
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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