We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
