I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
