i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
how does that bad decision feel?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
