I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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