I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
