C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
