if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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