Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
