im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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