Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
