omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
