i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
