I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
