well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
