I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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