You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
