You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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