The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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