He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
