guys are only as good as the porn they watch
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
