i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
