Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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