The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
