she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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