I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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