maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
