Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
