why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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