Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
