I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
