Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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