Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
