Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
