you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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