Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize