If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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