I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
