My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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