but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
