Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
