i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
