mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
