glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The best revenge is premature balding
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
