Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
