Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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