Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
