My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
