I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
