I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
