Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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