I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
