We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize