i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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