p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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