Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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