you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
