3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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