Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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