I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
