If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
