I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
