I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize