the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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