ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
