Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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