the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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