We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
